When “Those In Charge” let themselves off the hook for keeping the general public safe, sound, and smothered in a feathered nest, may I please be here to see it?
I didn’t think there was any topping the babysitting “Those In Charge (of Ontarians)” felt necessary to provide suckers not in Quebec regarding the spooky seduction of a convenient beer.
But now, Those In Charge (of the TTC) have assigned themselves responsible for shielding us from sex, after complaints were made about transit ads for the online hookup site, Squirt.org.
Squirt.org allows customers, in this case men who have sex with men, to do what sexual people have been doing since Adam and Steve and Eve. And do it wherever they, consenting adults, please: homes, hotels, public places, bathhouses, or the desk in my office, but I digress.
The now-down Squirt.org ads are sleepily tame. They offend more for depicting men the way women are offensively depicted in most media: tight bods, dripping youth dew, nary a hair out of place, zitless.
So, they still promote sex.
And damn that sex, that aggravating force of nature that makes beautiful babies, expresses love, feels so fun and is, it would appear for those People In Charge (of the TTC), such a hurdle (and, maybe, just to gay?).
Well you know what TTC? Hop the hurdle. Hop hop. Forgoing freedom of speech, censoring Squirt.org advertising – from Wellesley Station in the middle of the epicentre of gay Canada – should appall and insult every person living in Canada in 2015.
But (one can hear the whining), Squirt.org promotes sex! In public! That’s illegal!
Technically, one could choose to meet at Cherry Beach and make sweet, bitter love with a stranger (not that I would know), and it would be against the law. But one could do this from any sex site, straight or gay, and you know what else is illegal? Speeding, driving without a seatbelt, not shoveling snow outside your house, downloading music, TV and movies. I could go on; each of us breaks the law every day.
But what about the children (more whining)? They’ll see Squirt.org ads and…
And what? Have sex one day wherever they damn well please, like you did and I did and do? These tuned-in, tapped-in offspring, who text faster than you or I, who dress like Miley, who have Periscope accounts, who see couples caught on camera at a Raptors game, shaggin’ in the nosebleeds, are far more on the leading edge than you or I were at that age; they know people have sex. Trust.
So why, TTC? Your Puritanical reaction to some sad complaints circa 1926 doesn’t stop anything except the TTC from being cringey, yet again, like when you ran those mortifying in-house ads for enons declaring your frequently rude, nasty, foul-mouthed moody employees “heros”. Now that was offensive.
“People In Charge (of the TTC and everywhere)”, you are off the hook for protecting us, and PS: no one asked you to save us from life, except perhaps a few prudes who, frankly, could use a really good squirt.
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This post originally appeared as an op-ed in The Toronto Sun. Re-posted with permission.