Mick Kern On If The NHL Began Today…

Mick Kern
February 4, 2021

What if you had a chance to reboot the National Hockey League, to fashion it in the image of what you perceive to be in the best interest of the game of professional hockey? Tear it all down, and rebuilt it from the ground up, in time for the 2020-21 regular season? Sounds intriguing.

Well, apparently in the not-too-distant future, this is exactly what has already transpired.

The following document was recently retrieved from a burnt-out technological device many have speculated is a time machine that travelled back from the year 2031. There has been no comment from league officials, or from Jeff Bezos.

NHL Original Six 2021-22 Season

New York Rangers
Los Angeles Kings
Chicago Hawks
Houston Colt 45’s*
Toronto Maple Leafs
Vancouver Canucks

Next Six Expansion 2025-26 Season

Philadelphia Flyers
Louis Blues
Tampa Bay Lightning
San Jose Sharks
Colorado Avalanche
Montreal Canadiens

Further Expansion 2029-30 Season

Winnipeg Jets
Minnesota North Stars
Nashville Predators
Calgary Flames

Notable Rules

3 points for a regulation win
0 points for a regulation loss
2 points for an OT win
1 point for an OT loss
2 points for a shootout win
1 point for a shootout loss (the league initially proposed 0 points for a shootout loss, but that was met with heavy resistance from the NHL governors…there was concern some teams might actually try to lose in overtime)
Regular season OT is 3-on-3 for 10 minutes
Size of ice surface (length & width) is slightly increased
Roster sizes are increased to 21 players
Primary NHL referee will be stationed “above” the ice surface w/ HD video displays. He is in contact with 1 referee on the ice, and 2 linesmen, also on the ice. Situation Room in Toronto backs up the Primary NHL referee, and the on ice referee
Wayne Gretzky Trophy is awarded to the Regular Season Assists Leader
Total of 70 regular season games per team
10 games against teams in your division
4 games against teams in your “closest” division
(West vs. South…Central vs. East)
3 games against each team in the ”other” two divisions
Top Team in each division get a first-round bye
Second & third place teams play best-of-3 series
Quarter-Finals, Semi-Finals, and Stanley Cup Final are all best-of-7

THE NHL(as of the 2029-30 Season)

West Division

Los Angeles Kings
San Jose Sharks
Vancouver Canucks
Calgary Flames

Central Division

Chicago Hawks
Colorado Avalanche
Minnesota North Stars
Winnipeg Jets

South Division

Houston Oilers
Louis Blues
Tampa Bay Lightning
Nashville Predators

East Division

New York Rangers
Toronto Maple Leafs
Philadelphia Flyers
Montreal Canadiens

Future Expansion

The Original Six NHL markets were chosen for maximum media footprint possibilities, as the five largest North American cities (in the United States & Canada) are all represented. In addition, the third-largest Canadian city (Vancouver) was also included in order to achieve an almost complete East-West media footprint in that country.

There was a concentrated push to place that sixth team in Halifax, Nova Scotia, but without a suitable NHL-sized arena, and with the continual failed civic efforts to breathe life into the CFL Atlantic Schooners, that proposal fell through. The city of Boston also took exception to potentially being passed over in favour of their Atlantic cousin.

The Next Six teams were added in order to “fill in” the gaps, including Montreal, Canada’s second most populated city, and to appease influential Habs’ owner Mario Lemieux, who suited up for the inaugural game against the Flyers, scored three goals in the opening period, and subsequently retired during a first intermission TV interview with Hockey Night in Canada host Mike Lippa.

As mentioned, there was considerable controversy when Boston was passed over for an Original Six franchise, led in large part by populist Governor Kevin Paul Dupont. There was even more anger when the primary city in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts was once again shunted aside in the subsequent two rounds of NHL expansion, and there was talk of banning hockey in the state.

In particular, Bostonians angrily pointed out the inclusion of two further Canadian cities in the 2029-30 expansion, leading to accusations that the NHL does absolutely everything in its power to help Canada.

Winnipeg, and Calgary, were brought on board chiefly due to the considerably disproportionate amount of revenues that are generated by the Canadian franchises.

Looking at the 12 team NHL as of 2028-29, the three Canadian franchises generated approx. 43% of the total income, much of it derived from traditional television sources (primarily the league’s mega 2025 deal with the Bell Media/Rogers consortium, that merged in a highly contested marriage the year earlier, a merger that led to the Province of Alberta declaring independence for a period of five days, which led their ill-fated attempt to merge with Texas, before someone in the provincial government discovered that despite public posturing, Texas was not a sovereign country. Alberta rejoined Canada after the entire province was purchased by Irving Oil. The entire sordid affair is often cited as the reason Edmonton has not as of yet been awarded an NHL franchise).

In the United States, the continual growth, and dominance, of the Internet has become the major revenue driver, though NBC still remains part of the broadcast package. As of 2031, SiriusXM NHL Network Radio enters its 27^th year of covering the league, even though popular drive show host Jesse Ralph was arrested twice last year for continuing to impersonate a comedian.

16 teams are considered the optimum limit for NHL franchises, but there is increasing pressure to add teams in Boston, and Carolina. To maintain balance with 5 teams in each division, Detroit, and Las Vegas are also being mentioned as possible expansion cities.

Rumours have it that 47-year-old netminder Marc-Andre Fleury will be the first player chosen in the Expansion Draft.

If expansion is approved by 75% of the current teams, Boston Bruins will be placed in the East Division…Carolina Hurricanes in the South…Detroit Red Wings in the Central…Las Vegas Silver Knights in the West.

The 70-game regular-season schedule would be increased to 72 games. Details to follow.

NHL governors have been cautioned about the temptation of expanding past this 20-team threshold.

Regardless, there is a groundswell of support to place a five-team NHL division in Europe. NHL Commissioner Steven Kouleas has been a vocal proponent of this expansion, though he almost resigned last year after the “Turn Up The Lights In The Arena” initiative that he spearheaded took longer to be mandated league-wise than he would have preferred.

His frustration arose due to push back from certain owners, including the Chicago Hawks, who completely extinguished their arena lights during play in the second period of a game in February, in order to defy Mr. Kouleas. This incident is considered the lowest point in modern NHL history, comparable to when Canucks’ forward Milan Lucic won the 2022-23 Wayne Gretzky Trophy, due to assist padding by the official home team scorer in Vancouver.

There is apparently no truth to the rumour that, after having sold sponsorships to everything possibly associated with the game, the name of the Stanley Cup will be changed. Yet with the league looking to expand into Europe, and eventually China, many observers believe it will be only a matter of time until this comes to pass.

Stanley Cup Champions

2021-22 Houston Colt 45’s*

2022-23 New York Rangers

2023-24 New York Rangers

2024-25 Los Angeles Kings

2025-26 Vancouver Canucks

2026-27 Los Angeles Kings

2027-28 Tampa Bay Lightning

2028-29 New York Rangers

2029-30 Chicago Hawks

2030-31 San Jose Sharks

(* Houston changed their name to the Oilers after their first year in the NHL…thus beginning “The Curse of the Name Change” that reportedly haunts the team.)